Understanding The Cycle of Anger And Proper Emotional Management

September 24, 2019
Anna Jankowska, LCPC

By Anna Jankowska, MA, CEAP, SAP, LCPC

Anna Jankowska is a mental health, addiction, and substance abuse counselor with over 17 years of experience and has specialized training and skill in working with individuals, groups and communities to improve mental health outcomes. NPI number: 1598843526

As a subject close to a lot of people; anger shapes our everyday lives and damages the relationships of those around us. It can be the little things in life that start it. The big things we cannot change also cause it. Anger can wreck our lives and directing it can save it. It is an intense emotional state that expresses itself throughout our bodies and builds beyond our control. Losing control is out of the question, but directing the fire is a step to remaining in the driver's seat of our own lives

Into the Fire

Anger is a natural way of expressing our displeasure with a situation. It is also a survival method. It closely links with the “fight or flight” response that our hindbrains have built into us. In our modern age letting the fire out can be harmful to our personal and professional lives.

There are three types of anger described by psychologists:

1.     Immediate Anger

This type of anger is sudden and jumps in to fight or flight depending on the situation. It is the results of situations that require an immediate response and action.

2.     Calculated Anger

This is anger that results from growing unfair or harmful treatment. It can develop from perceived life problems that direct blame along with actual situations where rights, freedoms, and mistreatment are present.

3.     Purposeful Anger

This type of anger controls a situation. It results in irritability or a calm directed disgruntled behavior.

We all experience anger in the above ways and it comes out in ways that may hurt or damage our relationships. They show us the frustrations of life and lead to our own inability to control a situation. Anger management is something we all need for the best possible life outcomes.

Inside the Fire

There are different types of anger and different things to think and feel while the anger washes over and through you. Being angry is a perfectly acceptable response to life stress and unfair situations. Staying angry and directing that anger can cause a host of problems for you, family, friends, and coworkers.

We have multiple reasons for being angry and staying angry. It is an extremely powerful way to feel and dangerous because of how hard it is to control. It is even easy to turn anger against ourselves if the situation falls in a way where we blame ourselves.

man dealing with anger

This makes it worse. We often end up in circles that repeat themselves and getting out of them does not happen smoothly or easily. There are also a lot of reasons to be angry at the world, each other and ourselves. This means there is always a reason to be angry.

There is the explosive anger that leads people into trouble and the simmering kind that builds up. Bottling up anger is a way of coping, but it does not address the anger or give it the outlet it needs. It can also lead to explosions later when too much has been suppressed or made to disappear.

The anger never disappears. It will be there and come out when it is least expected or needed. It is better to find healthy ways of expressing it that does not damage the relationships you have with the people around you.

Anger management classes can help you learn to control the fire once it starts. They are a terrific way to bring closure and peace of mind to a situation that has gotten out of control. They are also ways out of the ring of fire.

Getting out of the Fire

Everyone wants the power to control the situation. Sometimes it is just enough to control our own selves. Getting out of the anger and find a balance that works for our life is not always easy. Anger management is a way to step back into our own selves and lives.

Anger management classes can happen in local community outreach programs and through basic Google searches. They are a place to start finding a balance to the fire that each of us has inside. They will also teach healthy ways to express anger and not bottle it up. Some people are more prone to some forms of anger that others, but in the end; we are the ones that get burned.

Related Posts


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *